


The Girl Who Didn't Wait On A Certain Time Lord Git

by Kelkat9



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, Episode: s02e04 The Girl in the Fireplace, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 13:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18250472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: Rose Tyler did not wait five and half hours.  She and the TARDIS decided they wanted to have fun and show Mickey a bit of the universe.  Crackfic.





	The Girl Who Didn't Wait On A Certain Time Lord Git

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2013 for Bittie752 :)

  


Rose paced the corridor in the alien ship not far from where the Doctor had recklessly ridden the horse, Arthur, through a mirror doorway to eighteenth century France. It did not escape Rose that the purportedly intelligent and gifted Reinette could not be too smart since she required the Doctor to rescue her instead of figuring out how to save herself. She then snorted as she thought about the Doctor's actions.

He was a prime example that being well learned didn't equate to making smart or strategic decisions. Taking off on a horse through a time window leaving she and Mickey to face off against homicidal clockwork robots instead of taking the TARDIS was a prime example of how much he wasn't using his allegedly brilliant Time Lord brain. Of course, maybe it wasn't his brain doing the thinking, she couldn't help but mentally snip. The more she paced and pondered this, the more aggravated she became. She turned and looked at Mickey leaning against the TARDIS, nervously holding his gun. His eyes darted back and forth as if he expected a swarm of aliens to descend at anytime. Rose rolled her eyes and walked up to him.

"Oi, stop mucking about with that gun before ya shoot something off!" she chastised him.

This seemed to shake him up. He jutted his chin out and tried to look tough. 

"Someone's gotta protect us from them things. They were gonna cut us up for parts ya know and there's no telling when himself will be back," he stated with bravado and under his breath "If he comes back."

Rose heard him and her eyes narrowed.

"Oh he'll be back. It's just a matter of…"

"How long that Reinette bird keeps him busy," Mickey finished smugly. "I mean, did you see the look on his face? You may put him on some pedestal and say he ain't like that but a bloke knows a bloke on the pull and he was all about rescuing her. If ya know what I mean," he announced, smirking and winked at her.

That hit Rose square on the mark. It stung and then it did something else. It made her beyond annoyed at it him. Mickey's snarky comment had struck something deep inside of her and that something growled with outrage.

"Fuck this," Rose announced and marched into the TARDIS followed by a curious but nervous Mickey.

"Babe, I thought you said we was to wait for him?"

Rose began hitting controls and stared up at the TARDIS control column which seemed to change colors suddenly glowing gold. Rose smiled and turned to Mickey her own eyes tinged with gold. 

"I'm done waiting on him. We got better things to do. You deserve a proper adventure!" With that comment, Rose seemed to have no issues piloting the ship. In fact, she did a far better job than the Doctor and Mickey noticed it. He plopped himself down on the pilot seat and held on for whatever Rose had in mind. She was now the designated driver.

Rose took Mickey to a few planets where they stopped another branch of the family Slitheen from incinerating a world, saved a King's daughter from kidnapping, and defeated a sentient computer from enslaving the residents of a scientific space observatory satellite. After each adventure, they stayed a while to chat with the natives, enjoy some the local flavor and generally had a good time. Even the TARDIS seemed pleased. 

Finally, after a trip back to the mid twentieth century where they went to enjoy Woodstock, Rose realized, she was now calm enough to deal with the Doctor. She looked over at Mickey who was stoned out of his mind and about to chase invisible butterflies. She grinned and shook her head. It was time to get this lump back to the TARDIS and set course for eighteenth century France. She had a Time Lord to deal with and it was best that Mickey be passed out for what was about to happen. The Oncoming Storm was about to meet his match, the Tyler Tempest.

Leaving Mickey passed out and in a blissful stupor, Rose patted the TARDIS and said softly, "Let's go kick some Time Lord arse and show 'im he can't abandon us like that." 

The TARDIS seemed to agree and soon they were whirling through the Vortex back in time. They materialized at Versaille on top of several of the clockwork droids. Rose threw open the door to the utter surprise of the French aristocrats. The Doctor had just arrived and promptly fell off off Arthur the horse. The lovely Reinette ran to his side while Rose made short work of any remaining clockwork droids with a fire extinguisher. She looked at the King and smiled brightly and curtsied, the short denim skirt she wore hitching up a bit giving the King a nice view of her shapely legs.

"You're highness," she said. "Sorry 'bout the mess. Guess you could tell everyone it was one hell of party," Rose said with tongue teasing smile.

The King walked over to her and kissed her hand. "Indeed. Quite a party. And to whom do I owe gratitude for saving me and my guests from such odd looking assassins."

"Rose, Rose Tyler, Sir. At your service."

By this time the Doctor had recovered himself after falling on his arse and quickly made his way over to them. 

"Rose! What…what are you doing? How'd you get here and who the hell is flying my TARDIS?"

Rose turned to him, her eyes narrowed. "Oi! You watch that tone mister," she exclaimed and stuck a pointed finger in his chest.

"Don't think you're not in trouble for leaving us behind on a ship filled with homicidal robots."

The Doctor looked from Rose's face, the finger now stabbing him in the chest and then to the TARDIS, clearly confused.

Reinette sidled up to his side. "Come now, my angel. All is well and everyone is saved. That was the goal was it not? Let us celebrate our enemies defeat." She then gracefully lifted a glass of champagne from a stunned servant's tray and tried to hand it to him.

Rose rolled her eyes and grabbed the champagne. "He's no angel and I'm not here to watch him get pissed and go shag half the French court." She then took a sip of the champagne and turned back to the King.

"Your highness, this is really fine champagne."

"Rose!" the Doctor drew out with an edge to his voice.

"You, shut it. I'm done listening to your gob run off and you never saying anything. You left me after you said you wouldn't while chasing after your aristocratic tart here." Rose then leaned over to Reinette. "No offense intended. I think you're quite lovely and if leaned that way, I'd have whisked you away for a real adventure." Rose then winked at her. Reinette smiled back at her flirtatiously.

She then turned an annoyed look at the Doctor who was tugging at his hair trying to grasp this situation. 

"You don't get off that easy! You made a promise and you broke it. Ya know on Trox, you'd be castrated for that and don't think I don't know that for certain. The King himself confirmed it and offered to take you to task for abandoning us," Rose announced and crossed her arms with a Tyler scowl that made even the King shift his feet uncomfortably.

The Doctor winced and stepped back from his clearly perturbed companion. After a minute or so Rose watched as what she said hit home. 

"Wait a minute! How do you know that? I never took you to…" then the Doctor had a thought and an actual good one. "Rose, you didn't…I mean the TARDIS brought you directly here, right?" He noted her clothes were different but thought that maybe she just spiffied up for him?

She smirked at him and then buffed her nails, examining them while the rest of the royal court looked on in amusement. "We may have taken a few side trips, saved a planet or two, went to a concert. I mean someone had to sort the universe while you were off chasing your bit of historic skirt."

"What! Nooooo! You can't do that!" he exclaimed. "You can't even fly the TARDIS and you don't know what you're doing, the time lines you could destroy and another thing…"

Rose tossed the rest of her champagne across his face. His mouth gaped. Reinette at that point slowly backed away, knowing better than to get involved in their domestics.

"You really going there after what you did? Besides, I fly her better than you and quite frankly, I think she likes me better and we are done putting up with your _I'm a superior Time Lord_ shit. Now things are gonna change. You," Rose once again poked him in the chest. "are gonna stop being a class A git. You're gonna stop beating on her with the mallet. You'll start listening to her and to me from now on. And enough with this repressed lonely god act and the whole _you will whither and die while I go on alone_. Apparently, that goes out the proverbially window when some French aristocrat makes eyes at you. So, no more excuses. You are gonna get your arse on that TARDIS and apologize and that's just for starters."

The Doctor's mouth opened and closed a few times before the King said with great amusement. "I believe you should comply with your Lady's demands." He paused and looked at Rose with a sparkle in his eyes. "It is never wise to so distress your Lady that she must revert to violence. Especially, when there are far more pleasurable ways to resolve conflicts. I often find atoning for ones transgressions to be a most satisfying process."

The Doctor cocked an eyebrow at the amused King who Reinette was now curled up to nodding in agreement with the King's advice. Rose rolled her eyes and muttered about falling in love with a clueless nutter alien and grabbed him by the tie and dragged him back into the TARDIS. The TARDIS dematerialized leaving the French court amused and quite nonplussed about the evil clockwork droids and a blue box that just appeared. Instead, historians would find records of a wild party and how the King thwarted the assassins with the help of a young blonde courtier who was known as Le Courageux Rose. Meanwhile, in the TARDIS, the Doctor learned the art of atonement which involved snogging, using his very dexterous tongue, a few I'm sorrys, nakedness and lots and lots of orgasms for Rose.

The End.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  



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